You got me gifts
You thought about me
In a warm way
You cared for me
In ways I couldn’t imagine
You conversed with me
For long hours
You shared your every thought
Your every sorrow
Was mine
Your every happiness
Was mine
Your every tear
Was mine
Your every fear
Was mine
You knew me inside out
You cared to wipe
My tears
You were with me
when I was low
You supported me
When life was slow
We were together
We were more than near
We were one.
Last year
You found someone else
You bought him gifts galore
You cared for him more
You talked to him
In ways I couldn’t imagine
You brought him closer to you
You shared your every emotion
Your every side
You loved him like never before
You planned Your future
with him by your side
You planned your days
With him by your side
You travelled far & wide
With him in your mind
Suddenly, without a thought
You just walked away.
It pains.
--------
In his talks
You were blown away
Without realizing
He is just a stranger
Showing you his world
Through his eyes
Controlled & biased
Every step you took
Towards him
Did you not think of me even once?
Every gift you bought
Were you not bringing him closer?
Every emotion you shared
Did you not realize
It is taking me away?
Everytime he touched you
Everytime he kissed you
Did he not snatch you away?
The distance you travelled
With him
Has left me far behind
Longing for you
Crying to be with you
Seeking your attention
In every way – anyway
The distance you travelled
With him
Has taken you away from me.
The Scintillating Night: October 26th 2009; 2:40 a.m.
Looking into the night
I see her sprinkled all across
Here
She is laughing
The brightness pulsating
With the presence of
Entire universe
There she looking
Intensely in to my eyes
And I am lost
A little far
The tiny on is chuckling
The way she does
The big one is happy
Revealing the pearly whites
The oscillating one
Must be the earrings
The fading one
Is her crying tear
The occassionaly brighter one
is her bugged mind
Spreading across the sky
Are her hair
Is that the color or is it
The halogen road lights
Giving her her that shade
Amidst all these
I see a falling star
I run to catch her
To hold her
To keep her with me
But she eludes me
I settle down again
To be with her again – all of her
Conversing, talking
Smiling my occasional happiness
Crying my fears
I am with her
She is with me
This night is mine
The moment is mine
But is she?
I see her sprinkled all across
Here
She is laughing
The brightness pulsating
With the presence of
Entire universe
There she looking
Intensely in to my eyes
And I am lost
A little far
The tiny on is chuckling
The way she does
The big one is happy
Revealing the pearly whites
The oscillating one
Must be the earrings
The fading one
Is her crying tear
The occassionaly brighter one
is her bugged mind
Spreading across the sky
Are her hair
Is that the color or is it
The halogen road lights
Giving her her that shade
Amidst all these
I see a falling star
I run to catch her
To hold her
To keep her with me
But she eludes me
I settle down again
To be with her again – all of her
Conversing, talking
Smiling my occasional happiness
Crying my fears
I am with her
She is with me
This night is mine
The moment is mine
But is she?
Life less than ordinary: October 4; 2009
Life is good.
Life is great.
Towards a successful loveless life…
...a quasi-successful love-life.
Life is great.
Towards a successful loveless life…
...a quasi-successful love-life.
Fool: September 2009
Foolish mind wanders along
To catch a butterfly
Foolish words
Of a foolish mind
Striving hard
To find their meaning
The mad song
Of a mad mind
Trying to find a melody
The empty poem
Of an empty mind
Longing to fill in
Amidst the gush
Of the other river
The words got washed away
The song has drowned
The melody is absent
The meaning is lost
The poem in the words
Is missing
Hold on to some rock, words
Settle down in the river bed, song
Embed in the bottom, poem
Once the gush is over
I hope to find you
If not me, if not now
I shall ascend in peace
Knowing
That you have embedded yourselves
Deep down
Hoping
To find you
When I am born again
To catch a butterfly
Foolish words
Of a foolish mind
Striving hard
To find their meaning
The mad song
Of a mad mind
Trying to find a melody
The empty poem
Of an empty mind
Longing to fill in
Amidst the gush
Of the other river
The words got washed away
The song has drowned
The melody is absent
The meaning is lost
The poem in the words
Is missing
Hold on to some rock, words
Settle down in the river bed, song
Embed in the bottom, poem
Once the gush is over
I hope to find you
If not me, if not now
I shall ascend in peace
Knowing
That you have embedded yourselves
Deep down
Hoping
To find you
When I am born again
The Wait: Sept 3, 2009; 2:00 am
She doesn’t look at me
The same way I do
Life doesn’t look at me
The same way I do
Even death
Is attending to someone else
Meanwhile I exist
Waiting…..
Which of the three
Will reach me first.
The same way I do
Life doesn’t look at me
The same way I do
Even death
Is attending to someone else
Meanwhile I exist
Waiting…..
Which of the three
Will reach me first.
Death & Moksh; August 20, 2009;
Pending desires and wishes
And shortage of breathe
is death
Pending breathes
And shortage of desires and wishes
is moksh
In this life
Moksh looks difficult.
And shortage of breathe
is death
Pending breathes
And shortage of desires and wishes
is moksh
In this life
Moksh looks difficult.
The incomplete collage: August 17, 2009; 1:30 p.m.
I see a collage in the mirror
Made of your feelings
A patch of warmth here,
A patch of happiness there,
A small piece of love
Just held loosely
A long torn patch
of promises,
Few small pieces of denials
Many a silent days
All pasted loosely
With your words
Contradictory actions
And broken promises
On this self
Tell me
Am I looking good?
Am I complete?
Am I the piece of art
that you find worthy of love.
And then I see
This huge patch
Left empty
I wait anxiously
What patch will appear there
Made of your feelings
A patch of warmth here,
A patch of happiness there,
A small piece of love
Just held loosely
A long torn patch
of promises,
Few small pieces of denials
Many a silent days
All pasted loosely
With your words
Contradictory actions
And broken promises
On this self
Tell me
Am I looking good?
Am I complete?
Am I the piece of art
that you find worthy of love.
And then I see
This huge patch
Left empty
I wait anxiously
What patch will appear there
First sight; July 2009
I remember the day when I first saw her standing across the passage. I had gone home to meet my friends. The instance is crystal clear even today, as many times in the last few years, the flashes have kept the memory afresh. Her hair was clipped with a bow-bip as usual – one single tie on centre top, the rest of the lock of hair just effortlessly flowing down. She looked at me – for a moment – I thought it was a stern look that any guarded woman would give to a stranger. But she didn’t look one bit of a stranger to me. The few steps between me her were the slowest at that time. She was wearing a dark – what looked like a black –red – dress. Standing side ways, facing what I now know as uncle-auntie’s room. She had just recently had a bath, her hair was recently dried – was probably getting ready to leave for work – it was 10:30 in the morning on a week day. The slow walk of 5 steps that seemingly took about 6-8 seconds to traverse felt elongated.
Getting to know her over the last 16 years, she has literally grown on me. All over the years
It was difficult to understand what I felt for her as I never brooded over all the various instances when either I felt weak, I felt sky-high happiness around her, I felt lost, I felt my body temperature drop because I felt my being froze in front her, I felt time stop, I felt… I just felt all these things and many more. But never understood… never gave the importance it deserved. All through the years, I lived with the feeling, enjoying them as and when I felt them. Finally a day came when she wasn’t there. I looked around attempting to find her – just to find that she was gone! I panicked.
Getting to know her over the last 16 years, she has literally grown on me. All over the years
It was difficult to understand what I felt for her as I never brooded over all the various instances when either I felt weak, I felt sky-high happiness around her, I felt lost, I felt my body temperature drop because I felt my being froze in front her, I felt time stop, I felt… I just felt all these things and many more. But never understood… never gave the importance it deserved. All through the years, I lived with the feeling, enjoying them as and when I felt them. Finally a day came when she wasn’t there. I looked around attempting to find her – just to find that she was gone! I panicked.
Take me with you; July 12 2009; 1:30 am
You go deep
In to your heart
Searching
For something
Take me with you
I want to be there
When you find it
You wander
Away in your mind
Following your
Deepest desires
Take me with you
I want to see
Them get fulfilled
You follow
Your inquisitive mind
In search of answers
In search of loopholes
In search of your self
Take me with you
I want to see you
Go through the change
Take me with you
When you take the next step
Take me with you
Whether
it’s the mountains
or the back waters
Take me with you
Whether its me
Or someone else
Take me with you
Where you ache to go
Take me with you
Where your true being shows
Take me with you
When you go for a walk
Take me with you
When you want to talk
Take me with you
When you go out
Take me with you
When you want to shout
Take me with you
When you go to work
Take me with you
When the day reveals s a smirk
Take me with you
When you are at home
Take me with you
When life throws you out of gear
In the end
Take me with you
When you ascend from this world
Cos’ that’s my last hope
To fully be with you.
In to your heart
Searching
For something
Take me with you
I want to be there
When you find it
You wander
Away in your mind
Following your
Deepest desires
Take me with you
I want to see
Them get fulfilled
You follow
Your inquisitive mind
In search of answers
In search of loopholes
In search of your self
Take me with you
I want to see you
Go through the change
Take me with you
When you take the next step
Take me with you
Whether
it’s the mountains
or the back waters
Take me with you
Whether its me
Or someone else
Take me with you
Where you ache to go
Take me with you
Where your true being shows
Take me with you
When you go for a walk
Take me with you
When you want to talk
Take me with you
When you go out
Take me with you
When you want to shout
Take me with you
When you go to work
Take me with you
When the day reveals s a smirk
Take me with you
When you are at home
Take me with you
When life throws you out of gear
In the end
Take me with you
When you ascend from this world
Cos’ that’s my last hope
To fully be with you.
The Night, July 17 2009; 2:40 pm
The night is quiet
She was howling
Forcing herself against
The glass
I could feel her
But couldn’t see her
I wondered if it was me
I opened the glass
To let her in
The howling continued
But the night was quiet
Very very quiet.
She was howling
Forcing herself against
The glass
I could feel her
But couldn’t see her
I wondered if it was me
I opened the glass
To let her in
The howling continued
But the night was quiet
Very very quiet.
Wanting you; July 12 1:00 pm
A drop of ink
Hanging above
Contemplating
Whether Or not
To let go
The water below
Standing still
Seemingly composed
And steady
The world can see
The water
Running deep
Happy and merry
But look within
You will see a void
As small as a drop
And as large as the water
Making it feel empty
The water
Waiting, longing, aching
Wanting the drop
To come
To merge
To fill the void
To change it
To make a new color
Bring it alive
And make it complete
The water is waiting…
Within
the water knows
It wont be before
It is born again
in another time
in another world
in another body
it would feel whole
Hanging above
Contemplating
Whether Or not
To let go
The water below
Standing still
Seemingly composed
And steady
The world can see
The water
Running deep
Happy and merry
But look within
You will see a void
As small as a drop
And as large as the water
Making it feel empty
The water
Waiting, longing, aching
Wanting the drop
To come
To merge
To fill the void
To change it
To make a new color
Bring it alive
And make it complete
The water is waiting…
Within
the water knows
It wont be before
It is born again
in another time
in another world
in another body
it would feel whole
The Wind; July 12, 2009; 11:00 am
I open the window
And it gushes in
Makes me feel good
On my skin
It keeps blowing
To an unknown destination
With the same high speed
Intending to settle somewhere
Take me with you
You are the only one
Who is happy
To meet me everyday
To talk to me
I let myself loose
Thinking
Layer by layer
I disperse
And fly away
Take me with you
With closed eyes
I see the moment
When I turn in to a feather
Just to be with the wind
Take me with you
To the far away land
Where I can settle
Wherever you settle
Where I can love you
Where I can be with you completely
Where we can play
Where the pain will erode
And the longing shall disappear
And I can feel alive again
And it gushes in
Makes me feel good
On my skin
It keeps blowing
To an unknown destination
With the same high speed
Intending to settle somewhere
Take me with you
You are the only one
Who is happy
To meet me everyday
To talk to me
I let myself loose
Thinking
Layer by layer
I disperse
And fly away
Take me with you
With closed eyes
I see the moment
When I turn in to a feather
Just to be with the wind
Take me with you
To the far away land
Where I can settle
Wherever you settle
Where I can love you
Where I can be with you completely
Where we can play
Where the pain will erode
And the longing shall disappear
And I can feel alive again
A wish; July 12, 2009; 11:00 am
I wish she could see me independently of the strings attached. Then may be I would have a chance. May be she would reciprocate. May be she would give in to her wants. Although I want her to be with me COMPLETELY, a part of me is also scared. Scared of time – since it will continue to pass, whereas when I am with her I want the time to stop – everything around to dissolve and disappear. Continuously wishing for her, a part of me tells me its not worth it since in this life it cannot sustain itself for long – and may be I am scared of time after that. And I would rather have her in my life in some way rather than none at all.
If some of my wishes be fulfilled, the top of the list is that I want to go with her when she ascends from this world…..Just so that I can be with her then. Please – take me with you.
If some of my wishes be fulfilled, the top of the list is that I want to go with her when she ascends from this world…..Just so that I can be with her then. Please – take me with you.
Life in moments; July 12, 2009; 1:30 a.m.
In bits and pieces
I get to live
So let me live
In bits and pieces
Let life flow
I am parched
Let me be parched
While napping yesterday
I heard you whisper in my ear
To save myself from falling in your arms
I trampled on my dream
I looked around for you
I had received a message from you
Let me complete my dream
I am thirsty
Let me remain thirsty
You painted the sky
And I have the earth
Beneath me
But life is good
In just longing
to be with you
Let me spend this life
Longing for you
I am thirsty
Let me be thirsty
A little void
May be filled these days
By your words
The remaining
I shall fill in
With your thoughts
And my tears
I am thirsty
Let me remain thirsty
In bits and pieces
I get to live
So let me live
In bits and pieces
Let life flow
I am parched
Let me be parched
I get to live
So let me live
In bits and pieces
Let life flow
I am parched
Let me be parched
While napping yesterday
I heard you whisper in my ear
To save myself from falling in your arms
I trampled on my dream
I looked around for you
I had received a message from you
Let me complete my dream
I am thirsty
Let me remain thirsty
You painted the sky
And I have the earth
Beneath me
But life is good
In just longing
to be with you
Let me spend this life
Longing for you
I am thirsty
Let me be thirsty
A little void
May be filled these days
By your words
The remaining
I shall fill in
With your thoughts
And my tears
I am thirsty
Let me remain thirsty
In bits and pieces
I get to live
So let me live
In bits and pieces
Let life flow
I am parched
Let me be parched
Resonance; July 10, 2009; 1:50 pm
I am a string
with many other strings
All of us have to play
the role
One is strong
Makes a deep sound
The other
Just like me
But intelligence abound
The 3rd one
Sings a happy note
Yet another one
She falls short
I make a sound
And everyone applauds
The best sound ever heard
I enjoy the compliments
While acknowledging
The emptiness within
And then
She strummed
Soothingly soft
I have ever heard
Firm and gently
Facing the crowd
Trying to keep a face
I got lost in her sound
away from that space
Listening to her
Something within me moved
Felt like singing
In a joyous mood
As she continued
Sang a heightened crescendo
I saw myself responding
To her song
In a way I couldn’t comprehend
I felt there’s nothing
In my hand
She is alive
And she makes me same
She is joyous
And she makes same
She is dancing
And she makes me same
She is beautiful
And she makes feel me same
I heard the loudest cheer
When I sang at the time
My song was complete
The crowd saw the different shine
Within I was full
Fullness I didn’t know before.
with many other strings
All of us have to play
the role
One is strong
Makes a deep sound
The other
Just like me
But intelligence abound
The 3rd one
Sings a happy note
Yet another one
She falls short
I make a sound
And everyone applauds
The best sound ever heard
I enjoy the compliments
While acknowledging
The emptiness within
And then
She strummed
Soothingly soft
I have ever heard
Firm and gently
Facing the crowd
Trying to keep a face
I got lost in her sound
away from that space
Listening to her
Something within me moved
Felt like singing
In a joyous mood
As she continued
Sang a heightened crescendo
I saw myself responding
To her song
In a way I couldn’t comprehend
I felt there’s nothing
In my hand
She is alive
And she makes me same
She is joyous
And she makes same
She is dancing
And she makes me same
She is beautiful
And she makes feel me same
I heard the loudest cheer
When I sang at the time
My song was complete
The crowd saw the different shine
Within I was full
Fullness I didn’t know before.
Lady of dreams; July 9, 2009; 9:30 a.m.
Its dusk time, I am sitting on a rock by the sea little away from the beach. I watch her silhouette against the painted crimson sky. I can see each and every strand of her hair, singing merrily with the breeze. The eyes are watching the eternity beyond the horizon attempting to create the same within.
God, she is beautiful – from within and without.
God, she is beautiful – from within and without.
Call of the nicotine; July 9, 2009
Starting the day
With my daughter
On the way to school
Spending light happy moments
Tears me from within
The heart is somewhere else
The mind makes the effort to bring me in
On my way back
Watching the racket
Of the mind
I see my hand
Reaching out for the packet
With my daughter
On the way to school
Spending light happy moments
Tears me from within
The heart is somewhere else
The mind makes the effort to bring me in
On my way back
Watching the racket
Of the mind
I see my hand
Reaching out for the packet
Find me; July 3, 2009; 1:00 a.m.
Close your eyes
With an open mind
You will see the light
Shining bright
You will find me
Standing in stillness
I come to you
With the morning sun
in search of that
Enriching smile
To face the world
And to feel alive
If you look around
You’ll find me
In every tiny particle
Through the window of your car
Imprinted on the city backdrop
In the stillness of your being
Amidst the flicker of a yearning mind
The way I find you
Looking at me
With the same sparkle
The breeze through your window
Lightly blowing throwing your hair
The tear forming in your eye
Gently reflecting the suns glare
Many secrets, many truths, many people
In the unknown world of your mind
The empty stare in to the infinity
As if calling in to it
The thoughtful walk from here to there
I witness your restlessness
The splash of water on your face
In the effort to drown the tears
Containing your longings
Surrounded by fears
The gentle expression
The quick vibrant glance
The heart warming smile
Life comes in bits and pieces
The distance in your words
Amidst all these broken moments
I stand still
With my love for you
With an open mind
You will see the light
Shining bright
You will find me
Standing in stillness
I come to you
With the morning sun
in search of that
Enriching smile
To face the world
And to feel alive
If you look around
You’ll find me
In every tiny particle
Through the window of your car
Imprinted on the city backdrop
In the stillness of your being
Amidst the flicker of a yearning mind
The way I find you
Looking at me
With the same sparkle
The breeze through your window
Lightly blowing throwing your hair
The tear forming in your eye
Gently reflecting the suns glare
Many secrets, many truths, many people
In the unknown world of your mind
The empty stare in to the infinity
As if calling in to it
The thoughtful walk from here to there
I witness your restlessness
The splash of water on your face
In the effort to drown the tears
Containing your longings
Surrounded by fears
The gentle expression
The quick vibrant glance
The heart warming smile
Life comes in bits and pieces
The distance in your words
Amidst all these broken moments
I stand still
With my love for you
Ek Lamha; June 28, 2009; 2:00 a.m.
Ek khubsurat lamha
Ek bhini si taazgi
Ek pyar bhara sapna
Ek halka sa ehsas
Aur is lamhe mein sirf tum….
Aur kuch nahin
Ek bhini si taazgi
Ek pyar bhara sapna
Ek halka sa ehsas
Aur is lamhe mein sirf tum….
Aur kuch nahin
Remembering you; June 29, 2009; 2:10 a.m.
A simple ‘Hi’
Arising from a thought
An inquisitive mind
Wanting to know more
‘Whr r u?’ she asks
The only reason is ‘just’
Gud morning! How r u?
Wot you thinking?
Makes me think about you
Instantly dissolving all my blues
In these interactions
Through the day
I am alive, knowing
You’re with me
and I am with you
Arising from a thought
An inquisitive mind
Wanting to know more
‘Whr r u?’ she asks
The only reason is ‘just’
Gud morning! How r u?
Wot you thinking?
Makes me think about you
Instantly dissolving all my blues
In these interactions
Through the day
I am alive, knowing
You’re with me
and I am with you
One; June 29, 2009; 1:00 a.m.
Listen to you breathe
Amidst the silence of the night
Makes me want to live
Watch you smile
As you pass in to your dreams
Wipe the forming tear
As I witness the
Flashes of shear
I breathe in
You breathe out
You breathe in
I breathe out
The distance
Immaterial
The actions
Of no concern
Its the moment I realise
We are One.
Amidst the silence of the night
Makes me want to live
Watch you smile
As you pass in to your dreams
Wipe the forming tear
As I witness the
Flashes of shear
I breathe in
You breathe out
You breathe in
I breathe out
The distance
Immaterial
The actions
Of no concern
Its the moment I realise
We are One.
The Moment; June 26, 2009; 6:00 p.m.
I lived a moment
Of complete stillness
Of not yearning anymore
Of no desires
Of no fear
Of immense happiness
Of neither light nor night
Of dreams being fulfilled
Of being
Of eternity
Of discovering myself
And of dissolution
Of completion
That was a lifetime in itself
Sometime ago
Time has passed by since then
But the moment is not lost
If I find this moment in you
Tell me what should I do?
Of complete stillness
Of not yearning anymore
Of no desires
Of no fear
Of immense happiness
Of neither light nor night
Of dreams being fulfilled
Of being
Of eternity
Of discovering myself
And of dissolution
Of completion
That was a lifetime in itself
Sometime ago
Time has passed by since then
But the moment is not lost
If I find this moment in you
Tell me what should I do?
Her Laughter; June 25, 2009; 2:00 p.m.
I wish
to listen to her each moments’ story
to make a necklace
out of the pearls lying
in the ocean of her heart
to dissolve all her melancholy
Cos’ when she smiles
The light from her eyes
Makes the darkness go away
And in each of that moment
I let myself live 1000 lives.
to listen to her each moments’ story
to make a necklace
out of the pearls lying
in the ocean of her heart
to dissolve all her melancholy
Cos’ when she smiles
The light from her eyes
Makes the darkness go away
And in each of that moment
I let myself live 1000 lives.
Hansi; June 25, 2009; 2:00 p.m.
Ji chahta hai
Unke har din ki kahani suney
Unke dilki gehraiyon se
nikley motiyon ka haar buney
Unki har mayoosi ko khushi mein badalde
Kyunki jab who hasti hai
Tab unki aankhon ki roshni se
saare andhere shunya ho jaate hai
Aur us hansi ke har ik lamhe mein
Hum hazaar zindaganiyan jee jaate hain.
Unke har din ki kahani suney
Unke dilki gehraiyon se
nikley motiyon ka haar buney
Unki har mayoosi ko khushi mein badalde
Kyunki jab who hasti hai
Tab unki aankhon ki roshni se
saare andhere shunya ho jaate hai
Aur us hansi ke har ik lamhe mein
Hum hazaar zindaganiyan jee jaate hain.
The Pigeon. June 25, 2009; 9:25 p.m.
She comes fluttering
Every evening when I am lonely
We share few moments
In eagerness, anxiety and synchrony
She wants to quench her thirst
But she is scared that I may embrace her
So she goes left but I go right first
She looks at me innocently
I look at her intently
She comes close
And tells me she is thirsty
I care not to scare her
I want her to get her fill
She finds what she wants
While I stand still
We share a quiet moment
Where I feel she thanks me
Before she takes a leap of faith
And leaves me feeling lonely
I wish she stayed a little more
Shared her days events with me
May be I could find a little joy
And her secret of flying
I wish I was hers.
Every evening when I am lonely
We share few moments
In eagerness, anxiety and synchrony
She wants to quench her thirst
But she is scared that I may embrace her
So she goes left but I go right first
She looks at me innocently
I look at her intently
She comes close
And tells me she is thirsty
I care not to scare her
I want her to get her fill
She finds what she wants
While I stand still
We share a quiet moment
Where I feel she thanks me
Before she takes a leap of faith
And leaves me feeling lonely
I wish she stayed a little more
Shared her days events with me
May be I could find a little joy
And her secret of flying
I wish I was hers.
A Poem. June 23, 2009; 1:25 a.m.
I know the gush
From within
The river flowing
Happiness & sadness
I stay with the feelings
In the hope that the
Words will mould
In thin air
A poem is stuck
In her hair
From within
The river flowing
Happiness & sadness
I stay with the feelings
In the hope that the
Words will mould
In thin air
A poem is stuck
In her hair
June 18, 2009; 2:45 a.m.
I wish I was a mirror so that you could see how beautiful you are. You have been an angel in my life. Your eyes are the most talkative sweet little things on this earth. They speak to me… a lot. Your smile when it breaks in to a laughter makes the existence sing in chorus. Suddenly, time stands still and I am completely lost…. Just want to savor that elongated moment.
When I talk to you – I am able to see myself more clearly. I am able to tame my mind. I calm down. Its not about catching up, talking on a particular topic… its just simply the knowledge that you are with me for that moment – completely – till the time an sms comes in from somewhere – god, do I hate mobile phones!!!
When I talk to you – I am able to see myself more clearly. I am able to tame my mind. I calm down. Its not about catching up, talking on a particular topic… its just simply the knowledge that you are with me for that moment – completely – till the time an sms comes in from somewhere – god, do I hate mobile phones!!!
Angel. June 18, 2009; 1:45 a.m.
A beautiful angel
With captivating eyes
Her words
Make the time flies
The graceful moves
Make the existence blossom
She is mind blowing
Mind blowing, ravishing and awesome
With captivating eyes
Her words
Make the time flies
The graceful moves
Make the existence blossom
She is mind blowing
Mind blowing, ravishing and awesome
The AngelFish. June 12, 2009; 2:00 am
There is a fish
Swimming deep in the sea
Living in a world of her own
Uncannily silent, a little closed
Calm and composed
Unaware of the ocean
That’s within her
A beautiful angel
With captivating eyes
Her words
Make the time flies
The smile
Makes the whole world go round
When she looks
I get completely drawn
When she talks
My shadows are gone
The flowing hair
Make a melodious song
The glowing face
Skips the heartbeat
The gleaming eyes
Clearly reflects what’s inside
The radiant soft skin
Makes you want to touch
You touch it
And it swims away
Like a threatened child
I exist in different places
Meeting many new faces
Yet through the day
Long to be with her again
I see her, She sees me
Through the glass wall
Playing and conversing
With tremendous synchronicity
Weaving a bond of love
This angelfish calms me completely
I want to be a fish
In the same waters I can be
Make her longings dissolve gradually
Being devoted to her completely
Yearning to be one
Once and for all
I want to love her
If she gives me a chance
There is a fish
Swimming deep in the sea
Living in a world of her own
I want to tell her
That she is deeply loved
Even when she is gone.
Swimming deep in the sea
Living in a world of her own
Uncannily silent, a little closed
Calm and composed
Unaware of the ocean
That’s within her
A beautiful angel
With captivating eyes
Her words
Make the time flies
The smile
Makes the whole world go round
When she looks
I get completely drawn
When she talks
My shadows are gone
The flowing hair
Make a melodious song
The glowing face
Skips the heartbeat
The gleaming eyes
Clearly reflects what’s inside
The radiant soft skin
Makes you want to touch
You touch it
And it swims away
Like a threatened child
I exist in different places
Meeting many new faces
Yet through the day
Long to be with her again
I see her, She sees me
Through the glass wall
Playing and conversing
With tremendous synchronicity
Weaving a bond of love
This angelfish calms me completely
I want to be a fish
In the same waters I can be
Make her longings dissolve gradually
Being devoted to her completely
Yearning to be one
Once and for all
I want to love her
If she gives me a chance
There is a fish
Swimming deep in the sea
Living in a world of her own
I want to tell her
That she is deeply loved
Even when she is gone.
June 12, 2009; 1:45 a.m.
"Life's challenges are not to paralyze you; they're to help you discover who you are."
I am not what you imagine me to be
I am capable of being loved
I am capable of loving
As much as
I am capable of hate & Sin,
Godliness as much as evil
Judge me and I am no more there
Accept me and
I am the explosion
That formed the universe
I am every matter in the universe
I am not what you imagine me to be
I am capable of being loved
I am capable of loving
As much as
I am capable of hate & Sin,
Godliness as much as evil
Judge me and I am no more there
Accept me and
I am the explosion
That formed the universe
I am every matter in the universe
My little brother. June 12, 2009; 1:10 am
He waits for me in my drawer
Through the day
Never an angry word
It says
He comes alive
The moment I light it
Narrating
The entire day’s plight
The bright face
Glowing in the breeze
Ready to be my companion
Slides into my fingers with ease
I spend my evenings
Happy with him by my side
I pour my heart out
And he tells his side
With every puff
He gives me his self
Time stands still
And I try to seek my self
He is my only company
For a short while
Before he becomes 1 with me
And gives me the big high
For the want of belonging
I yearn for that One
Till then
My brother consumes me completely.
Through the day
Never an angry word
It says
He comes alive
The moment I light it
Narrating
The entire day’s plight
The bright face
Glowing in the breeze
Ready to be my companion
Slides into my fingers with ease
I spend my evenings
Happy with him by my side
I pour my heart out
And he tells his side
With every puff
He gives me his self
Time stands still
And I try to seek my self
He is my only company
For a short while
Before he becomes 1 with me
And gives me the big high
For the want of belonging
I yearn for that One
Till then
My brother consumes me completely.
Angry. June 8, 2009; 12:30 p.m.
The day she said "Angry ;’( don’t want to talk to you."
I didn’t know if I could ever bring her to that. I never knew she could care for me so much.
I didn’t know if I could ever bring her to that. I never knew she could care for me so much.
Silent cry / Love and trust. June 8, 2009; 2:15 a.m.
Shining bright
It’s a full moon night
I can see it
From where I lay
Trying to figure
What it has to say
Dark clouds
Some big some small
Giving momentary darkness to all
Seeing this hide-n-seek was fun
Until came the biggest one
I waited and waited
But it refused to wane
I saw the city lights
Absorbing the silent night
Amidst the faint distant sounds
I heard something crashing down
I searched for the tear
Or the crying face
Through the moon light in the mirror
I saw him crying with grace
Holding the pieces
In his hands
Trying to keep them safely
Through the tears looking around
Collecting them bravely
He holds them fragile
Trying to stick them again
But then she said something
And down came the pieces crumbling again
He had been working overtime
To put the pieces together
He knows it is delicate
Delicate than a feather
Right now he is searching for
All the pieces – big and small
‘Cos every step she takes
Pulverizes them beyond repair
Trying to keep a calm composure
He’s striving not to despair
It had broken earlier
And it took quite a while
To paste the pieces back together
And stand up with a smile
The cracks showed
Through the pieces
And life looked fragile
When he looked through it
Nothing was convincing
No matter
how much ever he tried
And he knew
It would happen again
If he didn’t tread carefully
If the mind wasn’t more sane
The specs would break again
But the hope within him
And the love of a lifetime
Made his efforts go vain
This time when it broke
There were more of them
He collected them again bravely
And put them in strong case
Hopeful of a better time
When some one will come
Help remake the entire piece
So that he can feel alive again
The moon is going at its own pace
Shining again as the big dark clears
He understands the desires and shears
But loneliness makes him cry
Cry silently without tears.
He thanks the moon
For shining bright
For he could express it all
The pain that he feels in this
But smiling through it all
It’s a full moon night
I can see it
From where I lay
Trying to figure
What it has to say
Dark clouds
Some big some small
Giving momentary darkness to all
Seeing this hide-n-seek was fun
Until came the biggest one
I waited and waited
But it refused to wane
I saw the city lights
Absorbing the silent night
Amidst the faint distant sounds
I heard something crashing down
I searched for the tear
Or the crying face
Through the moon light in the mirror
I saw him crying with grace
Holding the pieces
In his hands
Trying to keep them safely
Through the tears looking around
Collecting them bravely
He holds them fragile
Trying to stick them again
But then she said something
And down came the pieces crumbling again
He had been working overtime
To put the pieces together
He knows it is delicate
Delicate than a feather
Right now he is searching for
All the pieces – big and small
‘Cos every step she takes
Pulverizes them beyond repair
Trying to keep a calm composure
He’s striving not to despair
It had broken earlier
And it took quite a while
To paste the pieces back together
And stand up with a smile
The cracks showed
Through the pieces
And life looked fragile
When he looked through it
Nothing was convincing
No matter
how much ever he tried
And he knew
It would happen again
If he didn’t tread carefully
If the mind wasn’t more sane
The specs would break again
But the hope within him
And the love of a lifetime
Made his efforts go vain
This time when it broke
There were more of them
He collected them again bravely
And put them in strong case
Hopeful of a better time
When some one will come
Help remake the entire piece
So that he can feel alive again
The moon is going at its own pace
Shining again as the big dark clears
He understands the desires and shears
But loneliness makes him cry
Cry silently without tears.
He thanks the moon
For shining bright
For he could express it all
The pain that he feels in this
But smiling through it all
Love. Morality. June 1, 2009; 12:30 a.m.
Love is eternal. Lust is immoral.
What if it is the other way round?
Can love be immoral?
Love and morality had a fight to death.
Morality died.
What if it is the other way round?
Can love be immoral?
Love and morality had a fight to death.
Morality died.
Playing with Fire. May 31, 2009; 2:00 a.m.
The child is crawling
The fire burning within is calling
The dancing flames
Enticing
The sparkle of the eyes
Mesmerizing
The heat at the core
Completely consuming
The warmth on the fore
Ever so comforting
The coldness yond the heat
Biting in to the soul
To thaw her feelings
May be his only goal
Aware of the burns
He touches it
Knowing the hurt
He walks ahead
Will be disfigured
If he acknowledges
Will be charred
If he embraces
But the love that he feels
Makes it all worth it
Knowing all of that
He gives in to the shear
Lets his love
Finally win over his fear
The fire burning within is calling
The dancing flames
Enticing
The sparkle of the eyes
Mesmerizing
The heat at the core
Completely consuming
The warmth on the fore
Ever so comforting
The coldness yond the heat
Biting in to the soul
To thaw her feelings
May be his only goal
Aware of the burns
He touches it
Knowing the hurt
He walks ahead
Will be disfigured
If he acknowledges
Will be charred
If he embraces
But the love that he feels
Makes it all worth it
Knowing all of that
He gives in to the shear
Lets his love
Finally win over his fear
The picture. May 28, 2009; 1:00 p.m.
There’s a screen in front me
That shows a picture
The world is fine
The life is beautiful
My people are happy
A little lost
But then every one is
Being with the picture fully
I hear silent voices
I feel the aloofness
My people are not in my spaces
She feels lonely in this world
She wants to belong to someone
How do I tell her
That I want to be the one
She tells me she has a lot
Of catching up to do
She has new friends
I think what kills me
Is the feeling that
She’s connecting with that one.
My spontaneity she reciprocates
But then abruptly the talk ends
She’s normal all the while
Smiling and laughing
Saying she is just laying
It’s a belittling feeling to know
That she doesn’t treat
As a friend would treat a friend
The openness, the understanding
The trust the respect
She talks to me
When I call her
She patronizes me
To the hilt
She says she’ll talk to me later
But then she doesn’t bother
She is searching for chemistry
The electrifying touch
I am waiting for my lifetime
When she finds me that much
With the same intensity
We both long for the
Same thing in our lives
That shows a picture
The world is fine
The life is beautiful
My people are happy
A little lost
But then every one is
Being with the picture fully
I hear silent voices
I feel the aloofness
My people are not in my spaces
She feels lonely in this world
She wants to belong to someone
How do I tell her
That I want to be the one
She tells me she has a lot
Of catching up to do
She has new friends
I think what kills me
Is the feeling that
She’s connecting with that one.
My spontaneity she reciprocates
But then abruptly the talk ends
She’s normal all the while
Smiling and laughing
Saying she is just laying
It’s a belittling feeling to know
That she doesn’t treat
As a friend would treat a friend
The openness, the understanding
The trust the respect
She talks to me
When I call her
She patronizes me
To the hilt
She says she’ll talk to me later
But then she doesn’t bother
She is searching for chemistry
The electrifying touch
I am waiting for my lifetime
When she finds me that much
With the same intensity
We both long for the
Same thing in our lives
Living on the edge. May 27, 2009; 1:30 a.m.
She saw a fly bugging me
She cares a lot about me
She made an effort to single it out
So that she could take it out.
She drew a picture in my mind
With emotions that were intense
She drew a picture in my mind
With actions that made the whole sense
She said she was away in the mind
She said she was with someone else
She was yet to figure out
Whether he was the one she was all about
She said it started with friendship
And it’s only few months ago
That she felt like letting go
She drew a picture in my mind
With emotions that were intense
We spoke about him
Without naming him
He is unmarried
And that mentally she was with him
She said atleast she belonged somewhere
Through those words
She made me feel the pain
Imagine the agony of being nowhere
I sighed. I sighed and I sighed.
And three deaths I died.
And she asked was I not happy
That she was happy?
For first time in many months
The silence spoke
Louder than words
In effort of not sighing
I lit my only brother again
I wished she wouldn’t have reached here
She didn’t deserve it
I wished I could’ve been there for her
She drew a picture in my mind
With emotions that were intense
She drew a picture in my mind
With actions that made the whole sense
Then she laughed
and scribbled on the picture
Saying there’s no truth in all this
Only fiction to feed my ready mind
The jubiliant pause that followed
Cautioned me as it passed by
The words may have formed a tale
But emotions & actions have to be asked why
She attempted to rub the picture
Alas! It wouldn’t go
I lit another brother
to help her efforts flow
That night I lay uneasy on the bed
Little happy more sad
Why did she have to do that
Play with my trust
When we had less
I thought we were building it
Now that we were together
I heard the morning birds
And I hoped it was all a dream
But I never slept
So how could it be?
The fly she attempted to kill
got back to me
This time it had grown in size
It will need quite a smoke to
strangle it out
There’s a part of me
unhappy and insecure
ask me not why
And there is a tiny particle in me
my only hope
That is feeling happy
Just knowing that she won’t
let me live without her
how long it will be able to hold on
I really don’t know
but I want it to win.
She cares a lot about me
She made an effort to single it out
So that she could take it out.
She drew a picture in my mind
With emotions that were intense
She drew a picture in my mind
With actions that made the whole sense
She said she was away in the mind
She said she was with someone else
She was yet to figure out
Whether he was the one she was all about
She said it started with friendship
And it’s only few months ago
That she felt like letting go
She drew a picture in my mind
With emotions that were intense
We spoke about him
Without naming him
He is unmarried
And that mentally she was with him
She said atleast she belonged somewhere
Through those words
She made me feel the pain
Imagine the agony of being nowhere
I sighed. I sighed and I sighed.
And three deaths I died.
And she asked was I not happy
That she was happy?
For first time in many months
The silence spoke
Louder than words
In effort of not sighing
I lit my only brother again
I wished she wouldn’t have reached here
She didn’t deserve it
I wished I could’ve been there for her
She drew a picture in my mind
With emotions that were intense
She drew a picture in my mind
With actions that made the whole sense
Then she laughed
and scribbled on the picture
Saying there’s no truth in all this
Only fiction to feed my ready mind
The jubiliant pause that followed
Cautioned me as it passed by
The words may have formed a tale
But emotions & actions have to be asked why
She attempted to rub the picture
Alas! It wouldn’t go
I lit another brother
to help her efforts flow
That night I lay uneasy on the bed
Little happy more sad
Why did she have to do that
Play with my trust
When we had less
I thought we were building it
Now that we were together
I heard the morning birds
And I hoped it was all a dream
But I never slept
So how could it be?
The fly she attempted to kill
got back to me
This time it had grown in size
It will need quite a smoke to
strangle it out
There’s a part of me
unhappy and insecure
ask me not why
And there is a tiny particle in me
my only hope
That is feeling happy
Just knowing that she won’t
let me live without her
how long it will be able to hold on
I really don’t know
but I want it to win.
One. May 21, 2009; 8:00a.m.
I - The whole that I want to be
Long for the love that completes me
You were always an intrinsic part of me;
even before I was inseminated.
Its just that you manifested
in my life at a different time.
You were always my intention,
my want, my desire
born when it was time.
You are the founding root
that extends in the direction of life.
I get clear picture of my wishes,
when I see them personified as you.
Good bad ugly – you are yet a part of me
and this shall always be true.
Today just know that you and I are one
- an intention born out of an intention.
You held me
up and straight
nourished me
so the world I can see
The deeper you go, taller I grow
Wider you spread, steadier I stand
It is the intention of the seed
that grows the branches
The branch questions not
its existence for the tree
however straight or crooked
strong or weak
hard or soft
happy or mellow
always a part of the tree
You are a part of me
strong, beautiful and loving
Intensely lovable
Clever but naive
Hard, warped and twisted,
Soft gullible and vulnerable
Clear and contradictory
Trapped but free.
In the end just know that you and I are one
- an intention born out of an intention.
Long for the love that completes me
You were always an intrinsic part of me;
even before I was inseminated.
Its just that you manifested
in my life at a different time.
You were always my intention,
my want, my desire
born when it was time.
You are the founding root
that extends in the direction of life.
I get clear picture of my wishes,
when I see them personified as you.
Good bad ugly – you are yet a part of me
and this shall always be true.
Today just know that you and I are one
- an intention born out of an intention.
You held me
up and straight
nourished me
so the world I can see
The deeper you go, taller I grow
Wider you spread, steadier I stand
It is the intention of the seed
that grows the branches
The branch questions not
its existence for the tree
however straight or crooked
strong or weak
hard or soft
happy or mellow
always a part of the tree
You are a part of me
strong, beautiful and loving
Intensely lovable
Clever but naive
Hard, warped and twisted,
Soft gullible and vulnerable
Clear and contradictory
Trapped but free.
In the end just know that you and I are one
- an intention born out of an intention.
Rebirth. Jan 30 2010; 2:00 p.m.
There is nothing absolute about life. And hence one never knows – anything… sometimes life brings you those moments where everything you knew, you lived by is contradicted and you are just left to accept them the way they are. One never knows.
I started this blog towards the tail end (I think, I hope its the tail end!) of a phase in my life which in my opinion has been the most intense till date. A phase that has left me scarred, burnt, charred on multiple counts. It has brought me to question my fundamental beliefs and values that I lived with. And only time can tell whether I will be reborn or perish.
Meanwhile, it allows me to share some of my thoughts, emotions and expressions on Life, Intensity, Love and Hope.
I started this blog towards the tail end (I think, I hope its the tail end!) of a phase in my life which in my opinion has been the most intense till date. A phase that has left me scarred, burnt, charred on multiple counts. It has brought me to question my fundamental beliefs and values that I lived with. And only time can tell whether I will be reborn or perish.
Meanwhile, it allows me to share some of my thoughts, emotions and expressions on Life, Intensity, Love and Hope.
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