She comes fluttering
Every evening when I am lonely
We share few moments
In eagerness, anxiety and synchrony
She wants to quench her thirst
But she is scared that I may embrace her
So she goes left but I go right first
She looks at me innocently
I look at her intently
She comes close
And tells me she is thirsty
I care not to scare her
I want her to get her fill
She finds what she wants
While I stand still
We share a quiet moment
Where I feel she thanks me
Before she takes a leap of faith
And leaves me feeling lonely
I wish she stayed a little more
Shared her days events with me
May be I could find a little joy
And her secret of flying
I wish I was hers.
A Poem. June 23, 2009; 1:25 a.m.
I know the gush
From within
The river flowing
Happiness & sadness
I stay with the feelings
In the hope that the
Words will mould
In thin air
A poem is stuck
In her hair
From within
The river flowing
Happiness & sadness
I stay with the feelings
In the hope that the
Words will mould
In thin air
A poem is stuck
In her hair
June 18, 2009; 2:45 a.m.
I wish I was a mirror so that you could see how beautiful you are. You have been an angel in my life. Your eyes are the most talkative sweet little things on this earth. They speak to me… a lot. Your smile when it breaks in to a laughter makes the existence sing in chorus. Suddenly, time stands still and I am completely lost…. Just want to savor that elongated moment.
When I talk to you – I am able to see myself more clearly. I am able to tame my mind. I calm down. Its not about catching up, talking on a particular topic… its just simply the knowledge that you are with me for that moment – completely – till the time an sms comes in from somewhere – god, do I hate mobile phones!!!
When I talk to you – I am able to see myself more clearly. I am able to tame my mind. I calm down. Its not about catching up, talking on a particular topic… its just simply the knowledge that you are with me for that moment – completely – till the time an sms comes in from somewhere – god, do I hate mobile phones!!!
Angel. June 18, 2009; 1:45 a.m.
A beautiful angel
With captivating eyes
Her words
Make the time flies
The graceful moves
Make the existence blossom
She is mind blowing
Mind blowing, ravishing and awesome
With captivating eyes
Her words
Make the time flies
The graceful moves
Make the existence blossom
She is mind blowing
Mind blowing, ravishing and awesome
The AngelFish. June 12, 2009; 2:00 am
There is a fish
Swimming deep in the sea
Living in a world of her own
Uncannily silent, a little closed
Calm and composed
Unaware of the ocean
That’s within her
A beautiful angel
With captivating eyes
Her words
Make the time flies
The smile
Makes the whole world go round
When she looks
I get completely drawn
When she talks
My shadows are gone
The flowing hair
Make a melodious song
The glowing face
Skips the heartbeat
The gleaming eyes
Clearly reflects what’s inside
The radiant soft skin
Makes you want to touch
You touch it
And it swims away
Like a threatened child
I exist in different places
Meeting many new faces
Yet through the day
Long to be with her again
I see her, She sees me
Through the glass wall
Playing and conversing
With tremendous synchronicity
Weaving a bond of love
This angelfish calms me completely
I want to be a fish
In the same waters I can be
Make her longings dissolve gradually
Being devoted to her completely
Yearning to be one
Once and for all
I want to love her
If she gives me a chance
There is a fish
Swimming deep in the sea
Living in a world of her own
I want to tell her
That she is deeply loved
Even when she is gone.
Swimming deep in the sea
Living in a world of her own
Uncannily silent, a little closed
Calm and composed
Unaware of the ocean
That’s within her
A beautiful angel
With captivating eyes
Her words
Make the time flies
The smile
Makes the whole world go round
When she looks
I get completely drawn
When she talks
My shadows are gone
The flowing hair
Make a melodious song
The glowing face
Skips the heartbeat
The gleaming eyes
Clearly reflects what’s inside
The radiant soft skin
Makes you want to touch
You touch it
And it swims away
Like a threatened child
I exist in different places
Meeting many new faces
Yet through the day
Long to be with her again
I see her, She sees me
Through the glass wall
Playing and conversing
With tremendous synchronicity
Weaving a bond of love
This angelfish calms me completely
I want to be a fish
In the same waters I can be
Make her longings dissolve gradually
Being devoted to her completely
Yearning to be one
Once and for all
I want to love her
If she gives me a chance
There is a fish
Swimming deep in the sea
Living in a world of her own
I want to tell her
That she is deeply loved
Even when she is gone.
June 12, 2009; 1:45 a.m.
"Life's challenges are not to paralyze you; they're to help you discover who you are."
I am not what you imagine me to be
I am capable of being loved
I am capable of loving
As much as
I am capable of hate & Sin,
Godliness as much as evil
Judge me and I am no more there
Accept me and
I am the explosion
That formed the universe
I am every matter in the universe
I am not what you imagine me to be
I am capable of being loved
I am capable of loving
As much as
I am capable of hate & Sin,
Godliness as much as evil
Judge me and I am no more there
Accept me and
I am the explosion
That formed the universe
I am every matter in the universe
My little brother. June 12, 2009; 1:10 am
He waits for me in my drawer
Through the day
Never an angry word
It says
He comes alive
The moment I light it
Narrating
The entire day’s plight
The bright face
Glowing in the breeze
Ready to be my companion
Slides into my fingers with ease
I spend my evenings
Happy with him by my side
I pour my heart out
And he tells his side
With every puff
He gives me his self
Time stands still
And I try to seek my self
He is my only company
For a short while
Before he becomes 1 with me
And gives me the big high
For the want of belonging
I yearn for that One
Till then
My brother consumes me completely.
Through the day
Never an angry word
It says
He comes alive
The moment I light it
Narrating
The entire day’s plight
The bright face
Glowing in the breeze
Ready to be my companion
Slides into my fingers with ease
I spend my evenings
Happy with him by my side
I pour my heart out
And he tells his side
With every puff
He gives me his self
Time stands still
And I try to seek my self
He is my only company
For a short while
Before he becomes 1 with me
And gives me the big high
For the want of belonging
I yearn for that One
Till then
My brother consumes me completely.
Angry. June 8, 2009; 12:30 p.m.
The day she said "Angry ;’( don’t want to talk to you."
I didn’t know if I could ever bring her to that. I never knew she could care for me so much.
I didn’t know if I could ever bring her to that. I never knew she could care for me so much.
Silent cry / Love and trust. June 8, 2009; 2:15 a.m.
Shining bright
It’s a full moon night
I can see it
From where I lay
Trying to figure
What it has to say
Dark clouds
Some big some small
Giving momentary darkness to all
Seeing this hide-n-seek was fun
Until came the biggest one
I waited and waited
But it refused to wane
I saw the city lights
Absorbing the silent night
Amidst the faint distant sounds
I heard something crashing down
I searched for the tear
Or the crying face
Through the moon light in the mirror
I saw him crying with grace
Holding the pieces
In his hands
Trying to keep them safely
Through the tears looking around
Collecting them bravely
He holds them fragile
Trying to stick them again
But then she said something
And down came the pieces crumbling again
He had been working overtime
To put the pieces together
He knows it is delicate
Delicate than a feather
Right now he is searching for
All the pieces – big and small
‘Cos every step she takes
Pulverizes them beyond repair
Trying to keep a calm composure
He’s striving not to despair
It had broken earlier
And it took quite a while
To paste the pieces back together
And stand up with a smile
The cracks showed
Through the pieces
And life looked fragile
When he looked through it
Nothing was convincing
No matter
how much ever he tried
And he knew
It would happen again
If he didn’t tread carefully
If the mind wasn’t more sane
The specs would break again
But the hope within him
And the love of a lifetime
Made his efforts go vain
This time when it broke
There were more of them
He collected them again bravely
And put them in strong case
Hopeful of a better time
When some one will come
Help remake the entire piece
So that he can feel alive again
The moon is going at its own pace
Shining again as the big dark clears
He understands the desires and shears
But loneliness makes him cry
Cry silently without tears.
He thanks the moon
For shining bright
For he could express it all
The pain that he feels in this
But smiling through it all
It’s a full moon night
I can see it
From where I lay
Trying to figure
What it has to say
Dark clouds
Some big some small
Giving momentary darkness to all
Seeing this hide-n-seek was fun
Until came the biggest one
I waited and waited
But it refused to wane
I saw the city lights
Absorbing the silent night
Amidst the faint distant sounds
I heard something crashing down
I searched for the tear
Or the crying face
Through the moon light in the mirror
I saw him crying with grace
Holding the pieces
In his hands
Trying to keep them safely
Through the tears looking around
Collecting them bravely
He holds them fragile
Trying to stick them again
But then she said something
And down came the pieces crumbling again
He had been working overtime
To put the pieces together
He knows it is delicate
Delicate than a feather
Right now he is searching for
All the pieces – big and small
‘Cos every step she takes
Pulverizes them beyond repair
Trying to keep a calm composure
He’s striving not to despair
It had broken earlier
And it took quite a while
To paste the pieces back together
And stand up with a smile
The cracks showed
Through the pieces
And life looked fragile
When he looked through it
Nothing was convincing
No matter
how much ever he tried
And he knew
It would happen again
If he didn’t tread carefully
If the mind wasn’t more sane
The specs would break again
But the hope within him
And the love of a lifetime
Made his efforts go vain
This time when it broke
There were more of them
He collected them again bravely
And put them in strong case
Hopeful of a better time
When some one will come
Help remake the entire piece
So that he can feel alive again
The moon is going at its own pace
Shining again as the big dark clears
He understands the desires and shears
But loneliness makes him cry
Cry silently without tears.
He thanks the moon
For shining bright
For he could express it all
The pain that he feels in this
But smiling through it all
Love. Morality. June 1, 2009; 12:30 a.m.
Love is eternal. Lust is immoral.
What if it is the other way round?
Can love be immoral?
Love and morality had a fight to death.
Morality died.
What if it is the other way round?
Can love be immoral?
Love and morality had a fight to death.
Morality died.
Playing with Fire. May 31, 2009; 2:00 a.m.
The child is crawling
The fire burning within is calling
The dancing flames
Enticing
The sparkle of the eyes
Mesmerizing
The heat at the core
Completely consuming
The warmth on the fore
Ever so comforting
The coldness yond the heat
Biting in to the soul
To thaw her feelings
May be his only goal
Aware of the burns
He touches it
Knowing the hurt
He walks ahead
Will be disfigured
If he acknowledges
Will be charred
If he embraces
But the love that he feels
Makes it all worth it
Knowing all of that
He gives in to the shear
Lets his love
Finally win over his fear
The fire burning within is calling
The dancing flames
Enticing
The sparkle of the eyes
Mesmerizing
The heat at the core
Completely consuming
The warmth on the fore
Ever so comforting
The coldness yond the heat
Biting in to the soul
To thaw her feelings
May be his only goal
Aware of the burns
He touches it
Knowing the hurt
He walks ahead
Will be disfigured
If he acknowledges
Will be charred
If he embraces
But the love that he feels
Makes it all worth it
Knowing all of that
He gives in to the shear
Lets his love
Finally win over his fear
The picture. May 28, 2009; 1:00 p.m.
There’s a screen in front me
That shows a picture
The world is fine
The life is beautiful
My people are happy
A little lost
But then every one is
Being with the picture fully
I hear silent voices
I feel the aloofness
My people are not in my spaces
She feels lonely in this world
She wants to belong to someone
How do I tell her
That I want to be the one
She tells me she has a lot
Of catching up to do
She has new friends
I think what kills me
Is the feeling that
She’s connecting with that one.
My spontaneity she reciprocates
But then abruptly the talk ends
She’s normal all the while
Smiling and laughing
Saying she is just laying
It’s a belittling feeling to know
That she doesn’t treat
As a friend would treat a friend
The openness, the understanding
The trust the respect
She talks to me
When I call her
She patronizes me
To the hilt
She says she’ll talk to me later
But then she doesn’t bother
She is searching for chemistry
The electrifying touch
I am waiting for my lifetime
When she finds me that much
With the same intensity
We both long for the
Same thing in our lives
That shows a picture
The world is fine
The life is beautiful
My people are happy
A little lost
But then every one is
Being with the picture fully
I hear silent voices
I feel the aloofness
My people are not in my spaces
She feels lonely in this world
She wants to belong to someone
How do I tell her
That I want to be the one
She tells me she has a lot
Of catching up to do
She has new friends
I think what kills me
Is the feeling that
She’s connecting with that one.
My spontaneity she reciprocates
But then abruptly the talk ends
She’s normal all the while
Smiling and laughing
Saying she is just laying
It’s a belittling feeling to know
That she doesn’t treat
As a friend would treat a friend
The openness, the understanding
The trust the respect
She talks to me
When I call her
She patronizes me
To the hilt
She says she’ll talk to me later
But then she doesn’t bother
She is searching for chemistry
The electrifying touch
I am waiting for my lifetime
When she finds me that much
With the same intensity
We both long for the
Same thing in our lives
Living on the edge. May 27, 2009; 1:30 a.m.
She saw a fly bugging me
She cares a lot about me
She made an effort to single it out
So that she could take it out.
She drew a picture in my mind
With emotions that were intense
She drew a picture in my mind
With actions that made the whole sense
She said she was away in the mind
She said she was with someone else
She was yet to figure out
Whether he was the one she was all about
She said it started with friendship
And it’s only few months ago
That she felt like letting go
She drew a picture in my mind
With emotions that were intense
We spoke about him
Without naming him
He is unmarried
And that mentally she was with him
She said atleast she belonged somewhere
Through those words
She made me feel the pain
Imagine the agony of being nowhere
I sighed. I sighed and I sighed.
And three deaths I died.
And she asked was I not happy
That she was happy?
For first time in many months
The silence spoke
Louder than words
In effort of not sighing
I lit my only brother again
I wished she wouldn’t have reached here
She didn’t deserve it
I wished I could’ve been there for her
She drew a picture in my mind
With emotions that were intense
She drew a picture in my mind
With actions that made the whole sense
Then she laughed
and scribbled on the picture
Saying there’s no truth in all this
Only fiction to feed my ready mind
The jubiliant pause that followed
Cautioned me as it passed by
The words may have formed a tale
But emotions & actions have to be asked why
She attempted to rub the picture
Alas! It wouldn’t go
I lit another brother
to help her efforts flow
That night I lay uneasy on the bed
Little happy more sad
Why did she have to do that
Play with my trust
When we had less
I thought we were building it
Now that we were together
I heard the morning birds
And I hoped it was all a dream
But I never slept
So how could it be?
The fly she attempted to kill
got back to me
This time it had grown in size
It will need quite a smoke to
strangle it out
There’s a part of me
unhappy and insecure
ask me not why
And there is a tiny particle in me
my only hope
That is feeling happy
Just knowing that she won’t
let me live without her
how long it will be able to hold on
I really don’t know
but I want it to win.
She cares a lot about me
She made an effort to single it out
So that she could take it out.
She drew a picture in my mind
With emotions that were intense
She drew a picture in my mind
With actions that made the whole sense
She said she was away in the mind
She said she was with someone else
She was yet to figure out
Whether he was the one she was all about
She said it started with friendship
And it’s only few months ago
That she felt like letting go
She drew a picture in my mind
With emotions that were intense
We spoke about him
Without naming him
He is unmarried
And that mentally she was with him
She said atleast she belonged somewhere
Through those words
She made me feel the pain
Imagine the agony of being nowhere
I sighed. I sighed and I sighed.
And three deaths I died.
And she asked was I not happy
That she was happy?
For first time in many months
The silence spoke
Louder than words
In effort of not sighing
I lit my only brother again
I wished she wouldn’t have reached here
She didn’t deserve it
I wished I could’ve been there for her
She drew a picture in my mind
With emotions that were intense
She drew a picture in my mind
With actions that made the whole sense
Then she laughed
and scribbled on the picture
Saying there’s no truth in all this
Only fiction to feed my ready mind
The jubiliant pause that followed
Cautioned me as it passed by
The words may have formed a tale
But emotions & actions have to be asked why
She attempted to rub the picture
Alas! It wouldn’t go
I lit another brother
to help her efforts flow
That night I lay uneasy on the bed
Little happy more sad
Why did she have to do that
Play with my trust
When we had less
I thought we were building it
Now that we were together
I heard the morning birds
And I hoped it was all a dream
But I never slept
So how could it be?
The fly she attempted to kill
got back to me
This time it had grown in size
It will need quite a smoke to
strangle it out
There’s a part of me
unhappy and insecure
ask me not why
And there is a tiny particle in me
my only hope
That is feeling happy
Just knowing that she won’t
let me live without her
how long it will be able to hold on
I really don’t know
but I want it to win.
One. May 21, 2009; 8:00a.m.
I - The whole that I want to be
Long for the love that completes me
You were always an intrinsic part of me;
even before I was inseminated.
Its just that you manifested
in my life at a different time.
You were always my intention,
my want, my desire
born when it was time.
You are the founding root
that extends in the direction of life.
I get clear picture of my wishes,
when I see them personified as you.
Good bad ugly – you are yet a part of me
and this shall always be true.
Today just know that you and I are one
- an intention born out of an intention.
You held me
up and straight
nourished me
so the world I can see
The deeper you go, taller I grow
Wider you spread, steadier I stand
It is the intention of the seed
that grows the branches
The branch questions not
its existence for the tree
however straight or crooked
strong or weak
hard or soft
happy or mellow
always a part of the tree
You are a part of me
strong, beautiful and loving
Intensely lovable
Clever but naive
Hard, warped and twisted,
Soft gullible and vulnerable
Clear and contradictory
Trapped but free.
In the end just know that you and I are one
- an intention born out of an intention.
Long for the love that completes me
You were always an intrinsic part of me;
even before I was inseminated.
Its just that you manifested
in my life at a different time.
You were always my intention,
my want, my desire
born when it was time.
You are the founding root
that extends in the direction of life.
I get clear picture of my wishes,
when I see them personified as you.
Good bad ugly – you are yet a part of me
and this shall always be true.
Today just know that you and I are one
- an intention born out of an intention.
You held me
up and straight
nourished me
so the world I can see
The deeper you go, taller I grow
Wider you spread, steadier I stand
It is the intention of the seed
that grows the branches
The branch questions not
its existence for the tree
however straight or crooked
strong or weak
hard or soft
happy or mellow
always a part of the tree
You are a part of me
strong, beautiful and loving
Intensely lovable
Clever but naive
Hard, warped and twisted,
Soft gullible and vulnerable
Clear and contradictory
Trapped but free.
In the end just know that you and I are one
- an intention born out of an intention.
Rebirth. Jan 30 2010; 2:00 p.m.
There is nothing absolute about life. And hence one never knows – anything… sometimes life brings you those moments where everything you knew, you lived by is contradicted and you are just left to accept them the way they are. One never knows.
I started this blog towards the tail end (I think, I hope its the tail end!) of a phase in my life which in my opinion has been the most intense till date. A phase that has left me scarred, burnt, charred on multiple counts. It has brought me to question my fundamental beliefs and values that I lived with. And only time can tell whether I will be reborn or perish.
Meanwhile, it allows me to share some of my thoughts, emotions and expressions on Life, Intensity, Love and Hope.
I started this blog towards the tail end (I think, I hope its the tail end!) of a phase in my life which in my opinion has been the most intense till date. A phase that has left me scarred, burnt, charred on multiple counts. It has brought me to question my fundamental beliefs and values that I lived with. And only time can tell whether I will be reborn or perish.
Meanwhile, it allows me to share some of my thoughts, emotions and expressions on Life, Intensity, Love and Hope.
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