You got me gifts
You thought about me
In a warm way
You cared for me
In ways I couldn’t imagine
You conversed with me
For long hours
You shared your every thought
Your every sorrow
Was mine
Your every happiness
Was mine
Your every tear
Was mine
Your every fear
Was mine
You knew me inside out
You cared to wipe
My tears
You were with me
when I was low
You supported me
When life was slow
We were together
We were more than near
We were one.
Last year
You found someone else
You bought him gifts galore
You cared for him more
You talked to him
In ways I couldn’t imagine
You brought him closer to you
You shared your every emotion
Your every side
You loved him like never before
You planned Your future
with him by your side
You planned your days
With him by your side
You travelled far & wide
With him in your mind
Suddenly, without a thought
You just walked away.
It pains.
--------
In his talks
You were blown away
Without realizing
He is just a stranger
Showing you his world
Through his eyes
Controlled & biased
Every step you took
Towards him
Did you not think of me even once?
Every gift you bought
Were you not bringing him closer?
Every emotion you shared
Did you not realize
It is taking me away?
Everytime he touched you
Everytime he kissed you
Did he not snatch you away?
The distance you travelled
With him
Has left me far behind
Longing for you
Crying to be with you
Seeking your attention
In every way – anyway
The distance you travelled
With him
Has taken you away from me.
The Scintillating Night: October 26th 2009; 2:40 a.m.
Looking into the night
I see her sprinkled all across
Here
She is laughing
The brightness pulsating
With the presence of
Entire universe
There she looking
Intensely in to my eyes
And I am lost
A little far
The tiny on is chuckling
The way she does
The big one is happy
Revealing the pearly whites
The oscillating one
Must be the earrings
The fading one
Is her crying tear
The occassionaly brighter one
is her bugged mind
Spreading across the sky
Are her hair
Is that the color or is it
The halogen road lights
Giving her her that shade
Amidst all these
I see a falling star
I run to catch her
To hold her
To keep her with me
But she eludes me
I settle down again
To be with her again – all of her
Conversing, talking
Smiling my occasional happiness
Crying my fears
I am with her
She is with me
This night is mine
The moment is mine
But is she?
I see her sprinkled all across
Here
She is laughing
The brightness pulsating
With the presence of
Entire universe
There she looking
Intensely in to my eyes
And I am lost
A little far
The tiny on is chuckling
The way she does
The big one is happy
Revealing the pearly whites
The oscillating one
Must be the earrings
The fading one
Is her crying tear
The occassionaly brighter one
is her bugged mind
Spreading across the sky
Are her hair
Is that the color or is it
The halogen road lights
Giving her her that shade
Amidst all these
I see a falling star
I run to catch her
To hold her
To keep her with me
But she eludes me
I settle down again
To be with her again – all of her
Conversing, talking
Smiling my occasional happiness
Crying my fears
I am with her
She is with me
This night is mine
The moment is mine
But is she?
Life less than ordinary: October 4; 2009
Life is good.
Life is great.
Towards a successful loveless life…
...a quasi-successful love-life.
Life is great.
Towards a successful loveless life…
...a quasi-successful love-life.
Fool: September 2009
Foolish mind wanders along
To catch a butterfly
Foolish words
Of a foolish mind
Striving hard
To find their meaning
The mad song
Of a mad mind
Trying to find a melody
The empty poem
Of an empty mind
Longing to fill in
Amidst the gush
Of the other river
The words got washed away
The song has drowned
The melody is absent
The meaning is lost
The poem in the words
Is missing
Hold on to some rock, words
Settle down in the river bed, song
Embed in the bottom, poem
Once the gush is over
I hope to find you
If not me, if not now
I shall ascend in peace
Knowing
That you have embedded yourselves
Deep down
Hoping
To find you
When I am born again
To catch a butterfly
Foolish words
Of a foolish mind
Striving hard
To find their meaning
The mad song
Of a mad mind
Trying to find a melody
The empty poem
Of an empty mind
Longing to fill in
Amidst the gush
Of the other river
The words got washed away
The song has drowned
The melody is absent
The meaning is lost
The poem in the words
Is missing
Hold on to some rock, words
Settle down in the river bed, song
Embed in the bottom, poem
Once the gush is over
I hope to find you
If not me, if not now
I shall ascend in peace
Knowing
That you have embedded yourselves
Deep down
Hoping
To find you
When I am born again
The Wait: Sept 3, 2009; 2:00 am
She doesn’t look at me
The same way I do
Life doesn’t look at me
The same way I do
Even death
Is attending to someone else
Meanwhile I exist
Waiting…..
Which of the three
Will reach me first.
The same way I do
Life doesn’t look at me
The same way I do
Even death
Is attending to someone else
Meanwhile I exist
Waiting…..
Which of the three
Will reach me first.
Death & Moksh; August 20, 2009;
Pending desires and wishes
And shortage of breathe
is death
Pending breathes
And shortage of desires and wishes
is moksh
In this life
Moksh looks difficult.
And shortage of breathe
is death
Pending breathes
And shortage of desires and wishes
is moksh
In this life
Moksh looks difficult.
The incomplete collage: August 17, 2009; 1:30 p.m.
I see a collage in the mirror
Made of your feelings
A patch of warmth here,
A patch of happiness there,
A small piece of love
Just held loosely
A long torn patch
of promises,
Few small pieces of denials
Many a silent days
All pasted loosely
With your words
Contradictory actions
And broken promises
On this self
Tell me
Am I looking good?
Am I complete?
Am I the piece of art
that you find worthy of love.
And then I see
This huge patch
Left empty
I wait anxiously
What patch will appear there
Made of your feelings
A patch of warmth here,
A patch of happiness there,
A small piece of love
Just held loosely
A long torn patch
of promises,
Few small pieces of denials
Many a silent days
All pasted loosely
With your words
Contradictory actions
And broken promises
On this self
Tell me
Am I looking good?
Am I complete?
Am I the piece of art
that you find worthy of love.
And then I see
This huge patch
Left empty
I wait anxiously
What patch will appear there
First sight; July 2009
I remember the day when I first saw her standing across the passage. I had gone home to meet my friends. The instance is crystal clear even today, as many times in the last few years, the flashes have kept the memory afresh. Her hair was clipped with a bow-bip as usual – one single tie on centre top, the rest of the lock of hair just effortlessly flowing down. She looked at me – for a moment – I thought it was a stern look that any guarded woman would give to a stranger. But she didn’t look one bit of a stranger to me. The few steps between me her were the slowest at that time. She was wearing a dark – what looked like a black –red – dress. Standing side ways, facing what I now know as uncle-auntie’s room. She had just recently had a bath, her hair was recently dried – was probably getting ready to leave for work – it was 10:30 in the morning on a week day. The slow walk of 5 steps that seemingly took about 6-8 seconds to traverse felt elongated.
Getting to know her over the last 16 years, she has literally grown on me. All over the years
It was difficult to understand what I felt for her as I never brooded over all the various instances when either I felt weak, I felt sky-high happiness around her, I felt lost, I felt my body temperature drop because I felt my being froze in front her, I felt time stop, I felt… I just felt all these things and many more. But never understood… never gave the importance it deserved. All through the years, I lived with the feeling, enjoying them as and when I felt them. Finally a day came when she wasn’t there. I looked around attempting to find her – just to find that she was gone! I panicked.
Getting to know her over the last 16 years, she has literally grown on me. All over the years
It was difficult to understand what I felt for her as I never brooded over all the various instances when either I felt weak, I felt sky-high happiness around her, I felt lost, I felt my body temperature drop because I felt my being froze in front her, I felt time stop, I felt… I just felt all these things and many more. But never understood… never gave the importance it deserved. All through the years, I lived with the feeling, enjoying them as and when I felt them. Finally a day came when she wasn’t there. I looked around attempting to find her – just to find that she was gone! I panicked.
Take me with you; July 12 2009; 1:30 am
You go deep
In to your heart
Searching
For something
Take me with you
I want to be there
When you find it
You wander
Away in your mind
Following your
Deepest desires
Take me with you
I want to see
Them get fulfilled
You follow
Your inquisitive mind
In search of answers
In search of loopholes
In search of your self
Take me with you
I want to see you
Go through the change
Take me with you
When you take the next step
Take me with you
Whether
it’s the mountains
or the back waters
Take me with you
Whether its me
Or someone else
Take me with you
Where you ache to go
Take me with you
Where your true being shows
Take me with you
When you go for a walk
Take me with you
When you want to talk
Take me with you
When you go out
Take me with you
When you want to shout
Take me with you
When you go to work
Take me with you
When the day reveals s a smirk
Take me with you
When you are at home
Take me with you
When life throws you out of gear
In the end
Take me with you
When you ascend from this world
Cos’ that’s my last hope
To fully be with you.
In to your heart
Searching
For something
Take me with you
I want to be there
When you find it
You wander
Away in your mind
Following your
Deepest desires
Take me with you
I want to see
Them get fulfilled
You follow
Your inquisitive mind
In search of answers
In search of loopholes
In search of your self
Take me with you
I want to see you
Go through the change
Take me with you
When you take the next step
Take me with you
Whether
it’s the mountains
or the back waters
Take me with you
Whether its me
Or someone else
Take me with you
Where you ache to go
Take me with you
Where your true being shows
Take me with you
When you go for a walk
Take me with you
When you want to talk
Take me with you
When you go out
Take me with you
When you want to shout
Take me with you
When you go to work
Take me with you
When the day reveals s a smirk
Take me with you
When you are at home
Take me with you
When life throws you out of gear
In the end
Take me with you
When you ascend from this world
Cos’ that’s my last hope
To fully be with you.
The Night, July 17 2009; 2:40 pm
The night is quiet
She was howling
Forcing herself against
The glass
I could feel her
But couldn’t see her
I wondered if it was me
I opened the glass
To let her in
The howling continued
But the night was quiet
Very very quiet.
She was howling
Forcing herself against
The glass
I could feel her
But couldn’t see her
I wondered if it was me
I opened the glass
To let her in
The howling continued
But the night was quiet
Very very quiet.
Wanting you; July 12 1:00 pm
A drop of ink
Hanging above
Contemplating
Whether Or not
To let go
The water below
Standing still
Seemingly composed
And steady
The world can see
The water
Running deep
Happy and merry
But look within
You will see a void
As small as a drop
And as large as the water
Making it feel empty
The water
Waiting, longing, aching
Wanting the drop
To come
To merge
To fill the void
To change it
To make a new color
Bring it alive
And make it complete
The water is waiting…
Within
the water knows
It wont be before
It is born again
in another time
in another world
in another body
it would feel whole
Hanging above
Contemplating
Whether Or not
To let go
The water below
Standing still
Seemingly composed
And steady
The world can see
The water
Running deep
Happy and merry
But look within
You will see a void
As small as a drop
And as large as the water
Making it feel empty
The water
Waiting, longing, aching
Wanting the drop
To come
To merge
To fill the void
To change it
To make a new color
Bring it alive
And make it complete
The water is waiting…
Within
the water knows
It wont be before
It is born again
in another time
in another world
in another body
it would feel whole
The Wind; July 12, 2009; 11:00 am
I open the window
And it gushes in
Makes me feel good
On my skin
It keeps blowing
To an unknown destination
With the same high speed
Intending to settle somewhere
Take me with you
You are the only one
Who is happy
To meet me everyday
To talk to me
I let myself loose
Thinking
Layer by layer
I disperse
And fly away
Take me with you
With closed eyes
I see the moment
When I turn in to a feather
Just to be with the wind
Take me with you
To the far away land
Where I can settle
Wherever you settle
Where I can love you
Where I can be with you completely
Where we can play
Where the pain will erode
And the longing shall disappear
And I can feel alive again
And it gushes in
Makes me feel good
On my skin
It keeps blowing
To an unknown destination
With the same high speed
Intending to settle somewhere
Take me with you
You are the only one
Who is happy
To meet me everyday
To talk to me
I let myself loose
Thinking
Layer by layer
I disperse
And fly away
Take me with you
With closed eyes
I see the moment
When I turn in to a feather
Just to be with the wind
Take me with you
To the far away land
Where I can settle
Wherever you settle
Where I can love you
Where I can be with you completely
Where we can play
Where the pain will erode
And the longing shall disappear
And I can feel alive again
A wish; July 12, 2009; 11:00 am
I wish she could see me independently of the strings attached. Then may be I would have a chance. May be she would reciprocate. May be she would give in to her wants. Although I want her to be with me COMPLETELY, a part of me is also scared. Scared of time – since it will continue to pass, whereas when I am with her I want the time to stop – everything around to dissolve and disappear. Continuously wishing for her, a part of me tells me its not worth it since in this life it cannot sustain itself for long – and may be I am scared of time after that. And I would rather have her in my life in some way rather than none at all.
If some of my wishes be fulfilled, the top of the list is that I want to go with her when she ascends from this world…..Just so that I can be with her then. Please – take me with you.
If some of my wishes be fulfilled, the top of the list is that I want to go with her when she ascends from this world…..Just so that I can be with her then. Please – take me with you.
Life in moments; July 12, 2009; 1:30 a.m.
In bits and pieces
I get to live
So let me live
In bits and pieces
Let life flow
I am parched
Let me be parched
While napping yesterday
I heard you whisper in my ear
To save myself from falling in your arms
I trampled on my dream
I looked around for you
I had received a message from you
Let me complete my dream
I am thirsty
Let me remain thirsty
You painted the sky
And I have the earth
Beneath me
But life is good
In just longing
to be with you
Let me spend this life
Longing for you
I am thirsty
Let me be thirsty
A little void
May be filled these days
By your words
The remaining
I shall fill in
With your thoughts
And my tears
I am thirsty
Let me remain thirsty
In bits and pieces
I get to live
So let me live
In bits and pieces
Let life flow
I am parched
Let me be parched
I get to live
So let me live
In bits and pieces
Let life flow
I am parched
Let me be parched
While napping yesterday
I heard you whisper in my ear
To save myself from falling in your arms
I trampled on my dream
I looked around for you
I had received a message from you
Let me complete my dream
I am thirsty
Let me remain thirsty
You painted the sky
And I have the earth
Beneath me
But life is good
In just longing
to be with you
Let me spend this life
Longing for you
I am thirsty
Let me be thirsty
A little void
May be filled these days
By your words
The remaining
I shall fill in
With your thoughts
And my tears
I am thirsty
Let me remain thirsty
In bits and pieces
I get to live
So let me live
In bits and pieces
Let life flow
I am parched
Let me be parched
Resonance; July 10, 2009; 1:50 pm
I am a string
with many other strings
All of us have to play
the role
One is strong
Makes a deep sound
The other
Just like me
But intelligence abound
The 3rd one
Sings a happy note
Yet another one
She falls short
I make a sound
And everyone applauds
The best sound ever heard
I enjoy the compliments
While acknowledging
The emptiness within
And then
She strummed
Soothingly soft
I have ever heard
Firm and gently
Facing the crowd
Trying to keep a face
I got lost in her sound
away from that space
Listening to her
Something within me moved
Felt like singing
In a joyous mood
As she continued
Sang a heightened crescendo
I saw myself responding
To her song
In a way I couldn’t comprehend
I felt there’s nothing
In my hand
She is alive
And she makes me same
She is joyous
And she makes same
She is dancing
And she makes me same
She is beautiful
And she makes feel me same
I heard the loudest cheer
When I sang at the time
My song was complete
The crowd saw the different shine
Within I was full
Fullness I didn’t know before.
with many other strings
All of us have to play
the role
One is strong
Makes a deep sound
The other
Just like me
But intelligence abound
The 3rd one
Sings a happy note
Yet another one
She falls short
I make a sound
And everyone applauds
The best sound ever heard
I enjoy the compliments
While acknowledging
The emptiness within
And then
She strummed
Soothingly soft
I have ever heard
Firm and gently
Facing the crowd
Trying to keep a face
I got lost in her sound
away from that space
Listening to her
Something within me moved
Felt like singing
In a joyous mood
As she continued
Sang a heightened crescendo
I saw myself responding
To her song
In a way I couldn’t comprehend
I felt there’s nothing
In my hand
She is alive
And she makes me same
She is joyous
And she makes same
She is dancing
And she makes me same
She is beautiful
And she makes feel me same
I heard the loudest cheer
When I sang at the time
My song was complete
The crowd saw the different shine
Within I was full
Fullness I didn’t know before.
Lady of dreams; July 9, 2009; 9:30 a.m.
Its dusk time, I am sitting on a rock by the sea little away from the beach. I watch her silhouette against the painted crimson sky. I can see each and every strand of her hair, singing merrily with the breeze. The eyes are watching the eternity beyond the horizon attempting to create the same within.
God, she is beautiful – from within and without.
God, she is beautiful – from within and without.
Call of the nicotine; July 9, 2009
Starting the day
With my daughter
On the way to school
Spending light happy moments
Tears me from within
The heart is somewhere else
The mind makes the effort to bring me in
On my way back
Watching the racket
Of the mind
I see my hand
Reaching out for the packet
With my daughter
On the way to school
Spending light happy moments
Tears me from within
The heart is somewhere else
The mind makes the effort to bring me in
On my way back
Watching the racket
Of the mind
I see my hand
Reaching out for the packet
Find me; July 3, 2009; 1:00 a.m.
Close your eyes
With an open mind
You will see the light
Shining bright
You will find me
Standing in stillness
I come to you
With the morning sun
in search of that
Enriching smile
To face the world
And to feel alive
If you look around
You’ll find me
In every tiny particle
Through the window of your car
Imprinted on the city backdrop
In the stillness of your being
Amidst the flicker of a yearning mind
The way I find you
Looking at me
With the same sparkle
The breeze through your window
Lightly blowing throwing your hair
The tear forming in your eye
Gently reflecting the suns glare
Many secrets, many truths, many people
In the unknown world of your mind
The empty stare in to the infinity
As if calling in to it
The thoughtful walk from here to there
I witness your restlessness
The splash of water on your face
In the effort to drown the tears
Containing your longings
Surrounded by fears
The gentle expression
The quick vibrant glance
The heart warming smile
Life comes in bits and pieces
The distance in your words
Amidst all these broken moments
I stand still
With my love for you
With an open mind
You will see the light
Shining bright
You will find me
Standing in stillness
I come to you
With the morning sun
in search of that
Enriching smile
To face the world
And to feel alive
If you look around
You’ll find me
In every tiny particle
Through the window of your car
Imprinted on the city backdrop
In the stillness of your being
Amidst the flicker of a yearning mind
The way I find you
Looking at me
With the same sparkle
The breeze through your window
Lightly blowing throwing your hair
The tear forming in your eye
Gently reflecting the suns glare
Many secrets, many truths, many people
In the unknown world of your mind
The empty stare in to the infinity
As if calling in to it
The thoughtful walk from here to there
I witness your restlessness
The splash of water on your face
In the effort to drown the tears
Containing your longings
Surrounded by fears
The gentle expression
The quick vibrant glance
The heart warming smile
Life comes in bits and pieces
The distance in your words
Amidst all these broken moments
I stand still
With my love for you
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